meaningful, meaninglessness

In having dealt was a tough situation this week and with a person that has always been my downfall, it left me feeling ...crappy.
All the tensions and anxieties..ugh..the feeling of conflict and disa..everything..disappointment, disagreement, disawhatever. I was blindsided by a surprising bombardment of bad memories. I have been working hard on getting rid of anything from that time in my life, or anything that makes me remember. But since I still have to deal with the person, I can't avoid it completely. I am only writing this here to be able to look back on and to remind myself how far I've finally gotten away from those times.
My husband always asks me why? But I can't answer that if its something I never could answer even to myself. I guess now I would just admit it as stubborness.
I've also learned that person is a completely different person now. In having to deal with crazy situations all week, I saw how different that person is now. Virtually a stranger, which I felt was very enlightening. Even more importantly that I am a completely different person, stronger and wiser and able to handle things that were coming up because I was clearheaded and had traveled so much in the last couple years with my husband. That person looks so powerless and meaningless now.
What made me feel crappy, was that the memories that were flying out of nowhere were ordinary every day life, but they made me sad. Incredibly, overcomingly, horribly sad. Even if the memories weren't necessarily sad, they just made ME sad. I tried figuring out why.. Its never easy to feel un-valuable, but that's not what is important, because that person is not important anymore.
All week, that I've heard this voice, like claws on chalk; the sweetest sound I heard was my husband's voice, no matter the fact that he's four thousand miles away from me, the contrast in his spirit is something I ..can't even figure out how to word..need, live for, thrive on, am comforted by, am given strength from..LOVE.
I want to forget the sad, the bad, the ill, and I hope I do someday. I don't want to look back anymore. I don't want to remember. The people in those times don't even exist anymore. There is nothing that could ever make those bad, sad and ill lives happen again. And I pray that the more new life that happens everyday, that the less room there is for remembering the old life.