thirty FIVE

I'm really turning this old Monday?!! The numbers 3 5 are so fat and round, there's nothing pretty about them. Why am this old?!..makes me mad..oh well, I guess its better than 75
For being this old, I guess I'm ok with saying that I've done a lot with with my time. I love looking back on my childhood. With my parents and my brother in Arizona, then my other brother, then living in England and getting my sister. Each of those were such an adventure in themselves.
Then came Nebraska...I would've never imagined how much life I would end up living there.
Its crazy that all our childhoods came to an end there. Its crazy that we ended up having our own children and starting our own families. It always seems like you can't grow up fast ENOUGH when you're little, and when you finally do, you wish you could go back in time.
I know I have a lot of life left, but sometimes looking back makes it seem like so much longer than it is. Makes you wonder how you could have survived certain things or wish you could change others. To think of decisions you made that you thought were the best and what could've been if you had chosen differently. Did I fight hard enough, did I really win or lose, did I do my best to learn the most out of every lesson. When we will we really ever learn?.....
The best things in life are the times when you laughed REALLY hard or felt extremely happy. The times when you and the people you love look back and feel those things all over again. The sacred moments you have with your little ones that you know, even as their happening, that you'll never forget.
I can't imagine the future. I hate the idea of being old, I always have. My mom has always told me to stop saying that before I don't get the chance to experience it. The idea I hate the most is of hurting or not being able to get around. I have never taken the luxury of my health for granted, not to say that I take great care of my health-that's hard, but I have always appreciated every thing that I can do. To imagine any part of me not being ok freaks me out.
Then there's the idea of my kids being grown and gone...I know that most people look forward to that, but again..that freaks me out. They're so little right now but every day they grow faster and faster and come closer to living their lives on their own. Which I'm supposed to help prepare them for? People warn you all your life to enjoy your youth, to enjoy your children's youths and you do your best. Regardless, it still goes way too fast and you go from having a newborn baby and still feeling young "enough" at 28 to having a six year old and being 35! Its just too fast, way too fast. Well, I better catch my breath before I miss something,

weak week

You're supposed to believe that someday your kids won't need you, right? Its so different when you're put in the circumstance of "sharing" your kid. I realize that Bellevue is home for her, because it was for me too and is even more rooted for her because of family and where she's spent most of her life so far. Its just hard to be on the other end of everything and be the furthest away and least involved in her day. Its so the opposite of everything I've ever given her. I direly dreaded her visit away from me as it approached and as soon as I stepped away from her, I felt clenched.
I wanted to do my best to enjoy time living alone with my husband since we never really had. I wanted to have a positive attitude and make the most of what was, and I somehow did it most days. But six weeks is such a long time. Now that the time is finally coming close to an end, I keep wondering how much she will have changed. Even in just the times that she's on the phone with me, I hear her old self and little behaviors creeping back up. It sux being on the end that is less desireable because there's so much distraction on her end. It really sux upsetting her at the discussion of her leaving there, because all I'm waiting for is for her to be in my arms again. It sux to know that every time I think about taking her away from what she feels is home, I feel can't help the guilt I feel for hurting her. I hope and pray that the life and choices I've made for me and her give her the best and make up for the sacrifices she has had to make. I hope that at the least, she sees a lot from me and my mom, and that you can hang on tight to eachother -no matter how far or how old you are. I pray she always loves me as much as I love her, and I especially pray that she always feels that she needs me as much as I need her.

jul 31-aug 2

This weekend was Vegas, I'd definitely say my favorite part was the amazing suite. We stayed at the MGM Signature Suites and I LOVED it. I could've lived in the bathroom alone. It was so beautiful and the even had a jetted tub..ahhh. The little tv being in there was just decadent and honestly, I didn't want to come out. (In loving memory:) http://www.signaturemgmgrand.com/Suites/Default.aspx There were super soft white robes that were so comfy but not hot and I kept throwing it on every chance I got...and the bed..omgosh it was sooo soft and fluffy. I loved the food we ate out, of course, I always love eatting out though.
When we were checking out Mitch had one last surprise, he noticed that I loved the robe so much that he had bought me my own to take home. I can't wait til it gets as soft as the waywashed ones.
It was a blast getting out at Mandalay Bay, their clubs are so pretty, especially minus5. It was fun posting all the pics on facebook and getting to step back and look at our fun time in Vegas. Its somewhere I always wanted to go with him, only because it was one simple somewhere he hadn't been. Getting pictures can get kinda of annoying when you're having to tote a camera everywhere, but its so worth it when you get to look back on the experience...fun, fun