weak week

You're supposed to believe that someday your kids won't need you, right? Its so different when you're put in the circumstance of "sharing" your kid. I realize that Bellevue is home for her, because it was for me too and is even more rooted for her because of family and where she's spent most of her life so far. Its just hard to be on the other end of everything and be the furthest away and least involved in her day. Its so the opposite of everything I've ever given her. I direly dreaded her visit away from me as it approached and as soon as I stepped away from her, I felt clenched.
I wanted to do my best to enjoy time living alone with my husband since we never really had. I wanted to have a positive attitude and make the most of what was, and I somehow did it most days. But six weeks is such a long time. Now that the time is finally coming close to an end, I keep wondering how much she will have changed. Even in just the times that she's on the phone with me, I hear her old self and little behaviors creeping back up. It sux being on the end that is less desireable because there's so much distraction on her end. It really sux upsetting her at the discussion of her leaving there, because all I'm waiting for is for her to be in my arms again. It sux to know that every time I think about taking her away from what she feels is home, I feel can't help the guilt I feel for hurting her. I hope and pray that the life and choices I've made for me and her give her the best and make up for the sacrifices she has had to make. I hope that at the least, she sees a lot from me and my mom, and that you can hang on tight to eachother -no matter how far or how old you are. I pray she always loves me as much as I love her, and I especially pray that she always feels that she needs me as much as I need her.