thirty FIVE

I'm really turning this old Monday?!! The numbers 3 5 are so fat and round, there's nothing pretty about them. Why am this old?!..makes me mad..oh well, I guess its better than 75
For being this old, I guess I'm ok with saying that I've done a lot with with my time. I love looking back on my childhood. With my parents and my brother in Arizona, then my other brother, then living in England and getting my sister. Each of those were such an adventure in themselves.
Then came Nebraska...I would've never imagined how much life I would end up living there.
Its crazy that all our childhoods came to an end there. Its crazy that we ended up having our own children and starting our own families. It always seems like you can't grow up fast ENOUGH when you're little, and when you finally do, you wish you could go back in time.
I know I have a lot of life left, but sometimes looking back makes it seem like so much longer than it is. Makes you wonder how you could have survived certain things or wish you could change others. To think of decisions you made that you thought were the best and what could've been if you had chosen differently. Did I fight hard enough, did I really win or lose, did I do my best to learn the most out of every lesson. When we will we really ever learn?.....
The best things in life are the times when you laughed REALLY hard or felt extremely happy. The times when you and the people you love look back and feel those things all over again. The sacred moments you have with your little ones that you know, even as their happening, that you'll never forget.
I can't imagine the future. I hate the idea of being old, I always have. My mom has always told me to stop saying that before I don't get the chance to experience it. The idea I hate the most is of hurting or not being able to get around. I have never taken the luxury of my health for granted, not to say that I take great care of my health-that's hard, but I have always appreciated every thing that I can do. To imagine any part of me not being ok freaks me out.
Then there's the idea of my kids being grown and gone...I know that most people look forward to that, but again..that freaks me out. They're so little right now but every day they grow faster and faster and come closer to living their lives on their own. Which I'm supposed to help prepare them for? People warn you all your life to enjoy your youth, to enjoy your children's youths and you do your best. Regardless, it still goes way too fast and you go from having a newborn baby and still feeling young "enough" at 28 to having a six year old and being 35! Its just too fast, way too fast. Well, I better catch my breath before I miss something,